Monday, May 30, 2005
I overdid it ....
i just blabbered somethings that are not so nice to my dear.... i think i'd overdone it. i'm getting impatient again, *rolling eyes* all abt her prev memories. i dunno why am i doin it again but i just wish that i can wipe those memories away from her... i know that i'm bad but wat else can i do.
I'm paranoid very paranoid, i'm afraid that wat had happened to my buddy (Jiahan) will happen to me. It's kinda like we share the same fate and things. When i broke my legs last July... 3 days b4 me he had a accident too but twisted his ankle. When we got our bike together, he got a summon for changing lane abruptly and i got revoked in my license few weeks after. It's all happenning again and yes this time i'm afraid very afraid, he broke off with his ger last mth and he told me all abt it. Tiff that's wat we used to call her... was all alone with contact with her ex boyfriend and going out without letting my buddy know, even he knows abt it, it's like she's going out with her friends or colleuges. Going to chiong with a bunch of guys and telling him that she's tired and wan to go sleep le... excuse of working up late but having dinner with her ex and having fun when jiahan is waiting and waiting at her work place waiting to give her a surprive to send her home.... SHIT wat is this kinda of SLUT doin in the world ...
i'm just afraid that the previous memories will be back to haunt my dear or even will she look back to those memories?!?! That's wat i wish to know and also irony i wish i can't hear the answer... i overdid it... too much that i requested her NOT TO CONTACT her ex anymore. I think this is the very first request that i ever asked her to do and i think it'll be the last also ... too much i think ... too much ...
Well it's all up to her to decide wats good for her and wats not.
Sometimes it's just hard to put those feelings aside that u are being stupid and rentlessly waiting... for chances to fill in the gap. But undoubtly i'm willing to ...
I'm paranoid very paranoid, i'm afraid that wat had happened to my buddy (Jiahan) will happen to me. It's kinda like we share the same fate and things. When i broke my legs last July... 3 days b4 me he had a accident too but twisted his ankle. When we got our bike together, he got a summon for changing lane abruptly and i got revoked in my license few weeks after. It's all happenning again and yes this time i'm afraid very afraid, he broke off with his ger last mth and he told me all abt it. Tiff that's wat we used to call her... was all alone with contact with her ex boyfriend and going out without letting my buddy know, even he knows abt it, it's like she's going out with her friends or colleuges. Going to chiong with a bunch of guys and telling him that she's tired and wan to go sleep le... excuse of working up late but having dinner with her ex and having fun when jiahan is waiting and waiting at her work place waiting to give her a surprive to send her home.... SHIT wat is this kinda of SLUT doin in the world ...
i'm just afraid that the previous memories will be back to haunt my dear or even will she look back to those memories?!?! That's wat i wish to know and also irony i wish i can't hear the answer... i overdid it... too much that i requested her NOT TO CONTACT her ex anymore. I think this is the very first request that i ever asked her to do and i think it'll be the last also ... too much i think ... too much ...
Well it's all up to her to decide wats good for her and wats not.
Sometimes it's just hard to put those feelings aside that u are being stupid and rentlessly waiting... for chances to fill in the gap. But undoubtly i'm willing to ...
Thoughts Running through me NOW !!
你说你不想忘记和他的过去, 我不阻止你也不逼你忘记. 我只希望和你在一起的时候, 请你; 求你不要和我提起你们的往事行吗? 虽然看起来我不在意, 但你可否知道和了解我一刻时, <<心>>像被刀狠狠的刺了几千刀,几万刀.
外表不展露不代表我的不在乎. 内心的辛酸不是常人所能够体会的. 爱你的深度是大海所不能够恒量的.
我了解你们经过4年那么长的岁月, 是不能说忘就能忘得掉的. 我能给你时间和空间, 但问题是你需要这些吗? 给了这些就能忘了吗? 我不认为... 因为关键在于你, 只要你肯手放开过去的回忆, 一切就不这么复杂了.
外表不展露不代表我的不在乎. 内心的辛酸不是常人所能够体会的. 爱你的深度是大海所不能够恒量的.
我了解你们经过4年那么长的岁月, 是不能说忘就能忘得掉的. 我能给你时间和空间, 但问题是你需要这些吗? 给了这些就能忘了吗? 我不认为... 因为关键在于你, 只要你肯手放开过去的回忆, 一切就不这么复杂了.
Finally Done .... Assignment *poof*
Last nite work till 4am then sleep... finishing up my Java and Maths assignments. Feeling so relieve now to see all my completed work and i can say that NO COPY AND PASTE was done during the process, pure hardwork and endurance. Feeling so guilty that i wasn't be able to accompany my dear on saturday due to Maths tutorial and had to rush to get the assignment done up.
To my surprise i found out that most of my JAVA tutorial group pple have not done up at least 50% of the asssignment yet and i'm like 80% done with all the work le.... hmm... smart guy eh ... *BHB*
I always believe in my chinese teacher teachings 笨鸟先飞. i admit that i'm a 笨鸟 and in order to get to be in the same pace with the others i have to set my path correct first cos i might get lost in the process and re-routing will take a long process... Tried to do the assignment early but those things to settle at store is really too much ... first Commerical stock take then immediatly after that have to settle ICS2 things... then now comes LRI... sian 1/2. It's like 2 mths of concurrent things going on and i barely have time to take a breath.
To my surprise i found out that most of my JAVA tutorial group pple have not done up at least 50% of the asssignment yet and i'm like 80% done with all the work le.... hmm... smart guy eh ... *BHB*
I always believe in my chinese teacher teachings 笨鸟先飞. i admit that i'm a 笨鸟 and in order to get to be in the same pace with the others i have to set my path correct first cos i might get lost in the process and re-routing will take a long process... Tried to do the assignment early but those things to settle at store is really too much ... first Commerical stock take then immediatly after that have to settle ICS2 things... then now comes LRI... sian 1/2. It's like 2 mths of concurrent things going on and i barely have time to take a breath.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Rainy and Wet day...
Woke up this morning and found out that it was drizzling... Dad fetch me over to outram park Mrt so a can go to camp faster. Very sweet of him, i know that he dotes on me but just didn't put on his face. Went to camp quite drench as i really didn't expect such heavy downpour when i reach boon lay.
First thing to reach camp was to SMS my dear... but i dun really like to disturb her at such early time... hmm... just sms her the morning SMS. I just can't stop thinking of my 宝贝. She's just so adorable and lovable. Everytime no matter how bad my mood is, seeing her always brighten up my day. Being with my dear is such a pleasent time, wishing upon 48hrs... 72hrs... and more... hope that my time accompanying her can be longer and longer.
Went to office 7.45 and first thing to to tally up all the things and stores... *not again*. Everytime seeing those things just make me freak out... luckily i have a capaable assistant Calvin, WAHhahaha he's such a funny guy... he and his "MANGO" craving. I promise him to close store early and go over to coy line and strip the Mango trees... but today i had a terrible headache going on after lunch ... *too much thinking of the assignment*
I'm just too concentrated on my assignment and flared up at the new Specs... Kenny being the innocent party was targeted, after i had my cool i apologised to him abt the Fuck Shit that i had been going thru just now. Being understanding and nice he just smile and forget all abt it...
Still concentrating on the assignment i had it done around 60% and here comes a call ... "Jason kenny(my ex-coy mate but now classmate) here .... have u send RSM (which happens to be my classmate also) the email regarding the request for the done up assignment." i MEAN pple have put in efforts and their hearts into doin up the assignment and here u wan to LEECH all the things over... i mean last Assignment out of goodwill i also sent him my RSM copy and i'm not sure if he made admments to it and in the end he score higher than my RSM.... *fuck* (Why can't he at least inform him about the mistakes that he had made so he can score higher also).
Free loaders.... that's wat i can't stand about .... leeching all pple hardworks ****important*** Kenny also req for my JAVA assignment to be send over to him so he can send to his friends *JUST FOR REFERENCE* yah like i believe... he called me several times and rush me to send to him but i left it in camp... that's why i can't send to him (inFACT i dun want to send to him, maybe i'm trying to be evil *heavy Breathing* "I'LL SCRAMBLE --echo--UP THE CODES AND LET HIS FRIEND --echo-- HAVE A LOOK" *PANTING AFTER TOO MUCH HEAVY BREATHING*. He dare to claim that he help me alot in last time when i was on hospitilization leaves.... THAT's HIS JOB but not my job to help ur friend when he's a freeloader...
Frustrated, sian and having such terrible headache, here comes my dear SMS.... i mean MMS ... Wow Wow... i wake me up from bed and *poof* there goes the headache... ;)
She always gives me surprises and i didn't know that this surprise was such a WOW... and mmm... SHIT.. wat am i saying ... i'm in a state where no words can describe my feelings at that point.
First thing to reach camp was to SMS my dear... but i dun really like to disturb her at such early time... hmm... just sms her the morning SMS. I just can't stop thinking of my 宝贝. She's just so adorable and lovable. Everytime no matter how bad my mood is, seeing her always brighten up my day. Being with my dear is such a pleasent time, wishing upon 48hrs... 72hrs... and more... hope that my time accompanying her can be longer and longer.
Went to office 7.45 and first thing to to tally up all the things and stores... *not again*. Everytime seeing those things just make me freak out... luckily i have a capaable assistant Calvin, WAHhahaha he's such a funny guy... he and his "MANGO" craving. I promise him to close store early and go over to coy line and strip the Mango trees... but today i had a terrible headache going on after lunch ... *too much thinking of the assignment*
I'm just too concentrated on my assignment and flared up at the new Specs... Kenny being the innocent party was targeted, after i had my cool i apologised to him abt the Fuck Shit that i had been going thru just now. Being understanding and nice he just smile and forget all abt it...
Still concentrating on the assignment i had it done around 60% and here comes a call ... "Jason kenny(my ex-coy mate but now classmate) here .... have u send RSM (which happens to be my classmate also) the email regarding the request for the done up assignment." i MEAN pple have put in efforts and their hearts into doin up the assignment and here u wan to LEECH all the things over... i mean last Assignment out of goodwill i also sent him my RSM copy and i'm not sure if he made admments to it and in the end he score higher than my RSM.... *fuck* (Why can't he at least inform him about the mistakes that he had made so he can score higher also).
Free loaders.... that's wat i can't stand about .... leeching all pple hardworks ****important*** Kenny also req for my JAVA assignment to be send over to him so he can send to his friends *JUST FOR REFERENCE* yah like i believe... he called me several times and rush me to send to him but i left it in camp... that's why i can't send to him (inFACT i dun want to send to him, maybe i'm trying to be evil *heavy Breathing* "I'LL SCRAMBLE --echo--UP THE CODES AND LET HIS FRIEND --echo-- HAVE A LOOK" *PANTING AFTER TOO MUCH HEAVY BREATHING*. He dare to claim that he help me alot in last time when i was on hospitilization leaves.... THAT's HIS JOB but not my job to help ur friend when he's a freeloader...
Frustrated, sian and having such terrible headache, here comes my dear SMS.... i mean MMS ... Wow Wow... i wake me up from bed and *poof* there goes the headache... ;)
She always gives me surprises and i didn't know that this surprise was such a WOW... and mmm... SHIT.. wat am i saying ... i'm in a state where no words can describe my feelings at that point.
Monday, May 23, 2005
Our Day Together
Though it's the 23rd of may le but i still need to write something that was on our 4th month annversary.
*Rewind, rewind* (back to 21st 3pm).
Went over to her place and waited for her to dress up. Wow tell u something my dear is really pretty when she get dressed up, even with normal dressing my dear looks perfect. 超美。
Waited again for her 妹 to come back from Zoo 'cos she forgot to bring the keys along but her brother came back first then we end the game that we were playing ... HAHA i broke her record for the game. :)
Took a train and bus over the Holland V and had our dinner there... the Viet Restaurant. Beef steam boat *yum yum* ... firstly 1 of her friend called and my dear told him that they'll talk later but then he kept SMSing her which i was rather pissed and that guys just won't stop harassing our dinner.
Well i mean i was like thinking, "Come on don't U(that guy) have a life... already told u that will talk later and now u kept on SMSing" (Maybe i'm too harsh but that was my feeling at that point). But then dear saw my face and ignore the following SMSes, i'm ok with replying SMS but at that point of time... i can't *arggg*.
After such filling dinner we went over to Orchard and took photo along the way when we were walking down towards Istana... really such a nice time to be with her. Not just any normal walking, i feel so close to her... holding her hand, looking into her eyes, telling her how much i love her. That feelings is like we're in our very own world without anyone around us, Just Dear and Me.
I've come to a conclusion to something that i had told her at Holland V. Dear, i won't ask u for an answer if u love me. --refer to last blog if u are blur--
You have chosen not to forget those past memories with him, i can't push u to forget it but wat i can do is to accompany u and i fine day u might be able to let go those past behind u. I dunno how long can i get a place in ur heart but i'll wait till the day comes even if it's infinity 'cos i'm in love with u.
我爱你不求回报，只希望你开开兴兴的和我在一起。不要笑我傻， 因为只有装傻你才不会看到我的伤心。我对你的好，宽容，谅解和给你的自由是我唯一能给你最好的礼物. 只希望能换取从你由衷的一句"我爱你".
*Rewind, rewind* (back to 21st 3pm).
Went over to her place and waited for her to dress up. Wow tell u something my dear is really pretty when she get dressed up, even with normal dressing my dear looks perfect. 超美。
Waited again for her 妹 to come back from Zoo 'cos she forgot to bring the keys along but her brother came back first then we end the game that we were playing ... HAHA i broke her record for the game. :)
Took a train and bus over the Holland V and had our dinner there... the Viet Restaurant. Beef steam boat *yum yum* ... firstly 1 of her friend called and my dear told him that they'll talk later but then he kept SMSing her which i was rather pissed and that guys just won't stop harassing our dinner.
Well i mean i was like thinking, "Come on don't U(that guy) have a life... already told u that will talk later and now u kept on SMSing" (Maybe i'm too harsh but that was my feeling at that point). But then dear saw my face and ignore the following SMSes, i'm ok with replying SMS but at that point of time... i can't *arggg*.
After such filling dinner we went over to Orchard and took photo along the way when we were walking down towards Istana... really such a nice time to be with her. Not just any normal walking, i feel so close to her... holding her hand, looking into her eyes, telling her how much i love her. That feelings is like we're in our very own world without anyone around us, Just Dear and Me.
I've come to a conclusion to something that i had told her at Holland V. Dear, i won't ask u for an answer if u love me. --refer to last blog if u are blur--
You have chosen not to forget those past memories with him, i can't push u to forget it but wat i can do is to accompany u and i fine day u might be able to let go those past behind u. I dunno how long can i get a place in ur heart but i'll wait till the day comes even if it's infinity 'cos i'm in love with u.
我爱你不求回报，只希望你开开兴兴的和我在一起。不要笑我傻， 因为只有装傻你才不会看到我的伤心。我对你的好，宽容，谅解和给你的自由是我唯一能给你最好的礼物. 只希望能换取从你由衷的一句"我爱你".
Well that's all for my post le... hope i dun make anyone cry thru the last para.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
It's My First Post
Wondering wat to do when i'm in class.... "how to look busy and attentive??"
But i'm really listening to the lecturer in class, well... no one could be reading my blog... cos i dun wan to tell anyone abt it, if u happens to find it and u'r 1 of my friends, welll i can onli say that the fate between us are really strong.
Today is our 4th month annviesary, i'm thinking of buying a conditioner for her since she always have some kinda of problem finding good conditioner. I really love u my dear, Jayce... and i'll give out my all for u if u ask.
I'm finding myself unromantic and a boring partner, she's always full of surprises and "wow" i find that i'm so "KAYU" (wood meaning in Malay). She's someone that i've been searching high and low... after going thru so much things and time, the Perfect one is always around my side.
Only thing that she can't really commit 100% in this relationship is the raw feelings that she's still having from last relationship. Painful for me to see sometimes that she's so unconcentrated with me and thinking of other views, i can see that she's thinking of those times that she was with him and tell me (U .... yes u that's reading now.)
Relation for 4 years ... basically SG is REALLY small lor, so stepping on every shopping centers and landmarks there bound to be some place that's will just flash those Memories back again. Nice and those bad times when they are together...
I was in those symptom before also and i chose not to step out of my place cos that'll just make me even more depress then my buddies practically drag me out of Hougang and went to those places where "we" used to go.... used to party and where i ask her to be my ger. All tanks to my buddies and i'm out from those bad times... now "we" are just friends and i'm happy for her that she had found a good guy whose a regular "officer". Well i can just say All the Best and Best Wishes.
Back to my Dear dear.... jayce is her name and pretty is wat she is ... well i gtg le ... tok more next time ;)
But i'm really listening to the lecturer in class, well... no one could be reading my blog... cos i dun wan to tell anyone abt it, if u happens to find it and u'r 1 of my friends, welll i can onli say that the fate between us are really strong.
Today is our 4th month annviesary, i'm thinking of buying a conditioner for her since she always have some kinda of problem finding good conditioner. I really love u my dear, Jayce... and i'll give out my all for u if u ask.
I'm finding myself unromantic and a boring partner, she's always full of surprises and "wow" i find that i'm so "KAYU" (wood meaning in Malay). She's someone that i've been searching high and low... after going thru so much things and time, the Perfect one is always around my side.
Only thing that she can't really commit 100% in this relationship is the raw feelings that she's still having from last relationship. Painful for me to see sometimes that she's so unconcentrated with me and thinking of other views, i can see that she's thinking of those times that she was with him and tell me (U .... yes u that's reading now.)
Relation for 4 years ... basically SG is REALLY small lor, so stepping on every shopping centers and landmarks there bound to be some place that's will just flash those Memories back again. Nice and those bad times when they are together...
I was in those symptom before also and i chose not to step out of my place cos that'll just make me even more depress then my buddies practically drag me out of Hougang and went to those places where "we" used to go.... used to party and where i ask her to be my ger. All tanks to my buddies and i'm out from those bad times... now "we" are just friends and i'm happy for her that she had found a good guy whose a regular "officer". Well i can just say All the Best and Best Wishes.
Back to my Dear dear.... jayce is her name and pretty is wat she is ... well i gtg le ... tok more next time ;)
