Forgotten Memories

Well, Special day for me... i dun think so. Feeling to neglected and left alone in a dark corner.

Checked my phone if there's any greetings from any so called "FRIENDS" but non available . Not even from ANYONE, suddenly i feel so unimportant in this world... my presence is redundent. What happened to those so called friends when i remembered their First Cry, which i stayed up late and manage to call them or SMS them first thing when it hits their day...

I feel F*cked up and that weather now describes my feeling very well now; Cold, Thouands of searing arrows shooting down from the sky piercing my heart, wet and un-noticed. It just gotten heavier now... the RAIN.

Wats the point of having wat celebrations when non remembered my day when i put in my heart to remember theirs.

Only a greeting from MSN all the way sent to me from Aust... now i know the meanings of 有心.

Am i expected too much... just a greeting... does it hurts to send ???

Am i a good boyfriend, a good partner or just someone that is just an object for spending time with??

I found out that i'm not really a understanding boyfriend and often i made Dear too...ooo..ooo tired and resulted in her having headaches, tired on the next day of work. I'm such a pest... ... doing things that are at the wrg time and the wrg place.

Sometimes i felt lost and need someone to guide me thru... then Dear will be there for me. She's understanding and thoughtful but i just hate myself when i can't provide good things for her. MONEY that's what i'm really short of as at now ..... and i can't seems to enjoy things with her... i didn't expect that my savings would depelete so fast thru expenses in studies and daily lifestyle...

I need cash badly ... but i just wan to have enough for me to have a comfortable time with dear... Am i pressuring myself too much for MONEY ?? i really dunno... but i really wish to come out work and HELP out in the family expenses and reduce my elder sister burden. She had carrying the load of the family too long ... too long, i wan to do my part as a family and share the woes and load with my sister...
i'm fortunate to have a happy relationship and understanding dear but wat about my SIS... she's going 28 this year and only been thru relationship once and hurt... i wan her to have her OWN life... life that belongs to her, her own time, her own life she's doesn't OWE the family this much to the extends of supporting the family for such long time ... Please i wan to help out ...

Well today is my B'day according to the lunar calender. Ate a piece of egg before i met kay at AMK tis morning, took the train back camp and told him abt the shit thing that Pikachu (Peter Chew). How he slack at work and wan to claim Off, how he can put of by my offensive super SUANING words.

I did a very bad thing this morning, i knocked a auntie off her feet. Hey, u can't blame me anyway... i was walking towards her direction and saw her walking in my direction, I GAVE WAY and she actually stepped on my left foot and walk over. With my reaction i did not scream, i just use my left shoulder and KNOCK of should i say a big BUMP her on her face (she quite short thou). Wat can make u in such hurry where u step on someone's foot and just walk away like that. I mean HEY HEY!!! it's something made up of flesh and blood... not a rock that u are stepping on. *argh* so angry...

Ok things aside... i met my dear after her work today (as usual, i dunno why i just like to pick her up after work... let her tired mind rest on my shoulders). i didn't see wat was she holding onto, at first i thought it was something e.g. freegifts. from the office 'cos i was so engross in reading the CCNA book mah...
THEN she took out a bouquet of flower (My fav SunFlower).

i was like OMG.... wat is the world going on ... FIRST time in my life i was given a bouquet of FLOWERS. Tell me frankly guys, would u ever expect ur gerfriend to give u a bouquet of flowers. I'm not bragging of how fortunate i am but i really can say not much gers would do that to her man though. I never expect it and ideas of how to react when someone gives me flowers never flash thru my mind. Till now ... yes now, i'm still in kinda after shock effect and dunno wat to say

Dear i really like the flowers, the ROYCE and the card dear... i luv u, with all my heart.

Just came back from dear's place and was wearing my brown shirt... discover that i really looks like a jailbird from hongkong in that attire. -_-!!
Another thing .... i'm really FAT le ... my love handles are too BIG and my TUMMy... i really can't stand it le. But ain't no way i'm going to take back HydroxyCut again (thought it really prove effective). I'm going to exercise my way through and cut 5 KG at least by my coming B'day. I can't stand my bulging tummy and overhanging love handle...

*Argh* I'm Fat just Fat... obese i should say. Wat had happen to me ... i seems to be so greedy and full of ideas of where to eat. *yucks* i just hate myself in doing that but sometimes i just can't control (well that's really an excuse). SHIT i need to slim down fast, going ORD in dec le ... i want to look good in those shirts and potrait myself well and smart. I dun wan to look like those FATMAN with BIG Bellys overhanging and FORCING the buckle to "FACE DOWN" i really makes u look like as if u are going to collapes any time and carry such HEAVY burden for ur GREED.

-Tummy Tummy & Love Handle GO AWAY !!!!

Yeah... today can cook thing for my dear to makan again. Today her request is 虾酱鸡, and me wanted to eat 肉骨茶 Hmm... i'm feeling great that i can once again cook for my love ones to eat again. Though the marinating sauce was bought instant at cold storage but eh... took me quite a while to marinate the wings and woke up early for the market (Actuallt not very early lar).

8am wake up.
9am go running (hmm.... ran to compass pt then U-turn back).
10am go market and buy all the Ribs, Wings and accessories.
11am start preparation.

I discover that i really like cooking for my dear to eat.. dunno whether is her liking or not but i just like to cook for her and pamper her... make her feels that she's my princess and my one and only dear.

I really really hope that i can cook cook and cook for rest of her life.
-Jason

Great to hear from elvin that he passed his TP driving test today with a great score of 8 pts only... hmmm good although i'm still better ... hehehehe 4 pts onli... but i took 2nd time then pass. *sian*

Well so long didn't post anything le. Have been busy with ym assignments and also meeting up my dear dear... fetch her off work and letting her rest on my shoulders when we are on the way back to her place.

Life have been very good to me so far, now i have my DEARIE accompaning me all the time, studying to get a proper Hons, getting support from family on my studies and relationships and many other more... well life should be like this, "Look on the bright side of life". Why conseal urself into a corner trying to think why why why had this or that ting happen to u ... or why must it be u ... those things haiz ..... nothing to say. U'll probably get into bonkers side and think o things that are even worse.

All i wish now is to get the money and settle down with a proper job (acutally i think i'll be skipping companies for the first 5 hears ba ... trying to get experience from all level, u can't learn much from just A company.). Then save up and get settled down with my dear dear... giving all the best that i could provide and shower hedr with all my tender loving care.

Even though i see my dear almost everyday... i still miss her once i turned away from her doorsteps heading home... i just wan to be with her all the time (work and studies or toilet it's ok lar...). I can't tell u why am i feeling this way, but if i think i can tell u a reasons for me doing this then love can be define easily ba ... it's just the feelings that u got for ur ger. That's wat can't stop loving and i'll not only do wat pple say honeymoon period but throughout the whole relationship i'll treat everyday as our honeymoon period... heheheh

She's me beloved, my darling, my baobei. I think now my world is really revolving only around her... Sorry dear... i have to say i really love U *Muacks*

i'm feeling great today... hmm... how should i put it. Firstly all my Assignments are done only pending for submitting. *phew* i spend like days doing both the assignment and i know it really paid off by looking at the end results. But with those pple who just ask me to send u the DONED up assignments, i wish u good luck for the upcoming exams... and hope "u" will pass.

Most importantly i finally made up with my ger... i made her really angry on sunday nite and totally ignored me at all (*gosh*wat could be worst than that... even worst than wat i felt that time i broke my leg). I kept on sending her SMSes to seek for forgiveness and i've made a grave mistake by digging up the old things and better still be <>. Suddenly i just lost trust in her which i shouldn't have and stupid me to make this move... i thought of it the whole nite through and i felt miserable and terrible. Put myself in her shoes and think being with me for this 4+ months how can i not trust her when we did so much happy things together...

Finally she replied my SMS and she rest assured me that wat was past was really past. I know i shouldn't have suspect her of those things but ... i just turn bonkers at that point of my life.

I really trust that U'r with me 100% now dear... all the while i'm the one making stupid suspicious thoughts and saying things that u've not done nor thought of.

I gave her our first bouquet of flowers actually only 1 Red rose, i can't find yellow roses anywhere. Bought her a Big bear that she always wanted and tried my best to apologise and seek forgiveness...
my dear... gave in and 原谅 me. I was like so thankful to Buddha, Allah, Jesus, God and who ever deities i can thank....

Wat can i say now dear... dear... we have a whole future to look forward to and lets not look back anymore *who ever look back 鼻子会变扁* heehee....
lets just strike tml SWEEP and get settled down dear... i dun wish to have the feelings of losing you anymore... 'cos i know i really very 爱你.